well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
