bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
