grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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