Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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