Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize