He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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