saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
