feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
