Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
