i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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