party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
