My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
