I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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