So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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