my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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