I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need moral support for this bender
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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