Christians are straight up FREAKS
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
