Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
