um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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