she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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