Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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