I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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