it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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