Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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