I'm eating all of the evidence.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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