I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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