The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
