When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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