You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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