Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
