Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
