david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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