I hate all girls vehemently.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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