Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
