Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
