I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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