That's when you crack a 10am beer
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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