i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
