Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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