I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
