i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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