never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
