he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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