Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
