In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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