Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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