I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
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I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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