i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
