He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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