i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
