listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
