omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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