my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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