Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
