Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
