she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
