Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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