Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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