i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
