i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i will never coherently bang her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
