dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
