yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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