So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
