ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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