We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
