Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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