Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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