It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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