1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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