saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
