i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
