fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sobbing to NWA
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
