I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
