Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
ttyl tear gas
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
